


You and I

by thatdragonchic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abusive Kate Argent, Alive Allison Argent, Alive Erica Reyes, Alive Vernon Boyd, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Birthday Present, Claudia Stilinski's Death, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale Loves Stiles Stilinski, Derek talks about kate and their relationship, Domestic Fluff, Emissary Stiles Stilinski, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Isaac Lahey & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Mentions of Suicide, Past Rape/Non-con, SO, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Secret Relationship, Secretly Dating, Slice of Life, Stiles Stilinski has an Eating Disorder, Stiles is Stuart, Stisaac friendship, and Stiles puts a name to the abuse that Derek faced, for my bby love trent, multiple AUs, one shots, probably, shot 6 deals with Anorexia, sterek, this is also in the anorexia story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:23:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: For Trent7 days of Sterek for his birthdaythe stories are as follow1. Secret Relationship/Domestic Secret Relationship Sterek2. Stiles and Derek talk after the Nogitsune and talk about what they are now after everything3. Season 5 is the setting, Sterek is secretly dating and Stiles wears Derek's sweatshirt to school. Except, Boyd and the rest of the Hale pack know, and Scott is taken aback by Stiles wearing something of Dereks. Scott later goes to Stiles house and is surprised by what he finds4. Stiles is Stuart au, they get a look into "Stuart" and his domestic life5. Stiles and Derek sit on a cliff over a small beach, and share their deepest most hidden secrets, and Derek thinks, Stiles is it. Stiles is the one for him. He's never felt this way before, not before Stiles.6. Anorexic!Stiles. I would read the note before and why. Though this is not too explicit about purging, starvation, developing habits to keep from being hungry, but it does end with Derek helping Stiles get to recovery, or start getting there.7. Laura was saved by Derek two months ago, now she is watching him bicker with his mate about something as simple as what to name their new baby





	1. Secret Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> A note to Trent before he reads this: you're a loving, sweet and kind person who I'm pretty sure is secretly Derek Hale. A truly good person at heart, and one of my closest friends. To another happy and healthy year

Stiles is soft in the morning sunlight, he's gentle being, and glowing skin. Soft breath and spastic fingers that twitch against the covers. He's morning coffee and humming to the radio or the records he puts in the record player Derek hides. He's sweet kisses against the counter top, secret hickeys under his shirt.

  
Mornings with Stiles are mornings Isaac and Boyd aren't home, where stiles will laugh until his lungs hurt, make home under the covers. He's soft golden eyes, shining up at Derek with _love_ and hope. He was beautiful, he was so so beautiful.  
Mornings with Stiles were Stiles taking golden hour selfies with the Camera he bought himself from the money he made. One morning he explained to Derek he babysits for one very wealthy family and tutors the kids of a few others, something about Stiles with kids makes his gut twist. Maybe it's the poses Stiles does, with the blanket draped on his shoulders, the coffee in his hands. Other times he'll wake up at sunrise to Stiles trying to get the perfect picture of him, red tinted sunlight right over his eyes. _Go back to sleep_ and Derek complies.  
Late nights are coffee tinted kisses, printed pictures that Derek hides in a locked box. Its tired smiles, broken rambles, incoherent thoughts. Derek is a little less than quiet. He'll talk back and respond with quips. Stiles will kiss the corner of his lips. He'll be sated and happy, and his plaid shirt will have the first few buttons undone, Derek can see the hickies poking through that he left the last time they met, fading and blueish purple.

  
Getting caught was never really getting caught. Stiles was impeccable at feigning innocence and he thinks Stiles has conditioned to feign innocence because of his father's job. Derek doesn't know what outside of the supernatural stiles has had to hide, he's not sure he wants to find out. Sometimes stiles can look so upset that what stiles might have to say could easily be unchartered territory. Boyd and Isaac rarely question Stiles presence, how easily he can convince Derek to order dinner, simply asking and never looking up from his research.  
Derek thinks he's in too deep and that's not so bad. Not when mornings look the way they do and nights can drag on forever. Its okay really…. it's okay, being with someone so simply. So secretly.


	2. Post Nogitsune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Stiles are left alone after the nogitsune. Almost everyone is alive in this

It was after the nogitsune, as they sat in the loneliness of the Stilinski house, at the cold kitchen table, in a relatively warm room. Stiles looks tired, and drained. Allison was in the hospital, not dead yet. Derek doesn’t really know what to say. He doesn’t know how to console Stiles, he almost feels like he’s been too absent. But he’s the only one left and Stiles hasn’t made any movement from the table, and Derek doesn’t know if he’s done enough to help Stiles for them to be okay. He watches Stiles, so curled up in his own thoughts before sitting next to him, hesitant. 

“Are we okay?” Derek asks, soft and gentle and scared. Derek is never scared, or he never seems to be, but there is so much he’s already lost, especially these past few months. Not Stiles too. 

“Derek Hale, if we were anything but okay I think I wouldn’t make it.”

“Well I need you to make it.”

“So we’re okay.”

“We’re okay.”

_ He remembers one day, he had posed a question that was perhaps brutally unfair to Stiles and Derek didn’t know why he asked or what had brought up such a question, but it was in the middle of the whole deucalian affair and lines between him and Scott were taught. ‘If you had to choose, whose side are you on?’ And it took Stiles a moment but he finally turns to Derek, he takes his arms and said, ‘yours. I am on your side, I am yours, I am only yours and you’re mine, only mine. Whatever it is you decide to do, I stand by you.’ _

“I… I would understand though, if you wanted to leave me after everything I’ve done.”

“Stiles?”

Stiles looks up at Derek, Derek laces their hands.

“I’m yours, and your mine, and nothing that has happened because of the nogitsune was because of you. You were a victim… it wasn’t your fault. Nobody that was hurt is your fault… it wasn’t you.”

“But I remember it. Every part of it.”

“You weren’t in control of it, it wasn’t you.”

“I let him control me.”

“You had no choice.”

“Maybe.”

“You didn’t.”

“Stiles I’m not leaving you… I can’t lose you too.”

Stiles nods, and he lets Derek kiss his head, leaning into the touch. Derek is real, Derek is real, Derek is real. Derek protected him, Derek saved him when the argents could have killed him. Derek is real, and here, and Derek still cared about him. “Thank you… for saving me, Derek.”

“What?”

“You didn’t let the argents kill… him I guess, because you knew I was still inside somewhere.”

“I couldn’t watch you die.”

“It wasn’t me they would have killed technically… I just… I’m really conflicted about this whole thing. It feels like my fault, like I let it happen, but theoretically, I know it wasn’t me. Yet the guilt just… there’s so much.”

“I know that feeling.”

He nods. “We’re both fucked.”

“In general?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, we are.... But like minds attract like minds I guess.”

“Nobody spews gospel about Russian literature like you babe,” Stiles says in the same monotone, soft voice but the tilt of a smile is at his lips. “We are not like minded at all.”

“You once told me the history of greek homoerotica. Same concept, different culture.”

“Fine, like minded we are.”

Derek kisses his temple again but pulls away when he hears Noah’s cruiser pull up into the driveway, soon enough the Sheriff shuffling inside and the two stand, hands unlacing but hovering near. 

“I should go,” Derek says.

“Yeah… thanks for staying,” Stiles whispers and he looks at Derek with a sort of hope, Noah squinting at both of them. 

“Yeah, thanks for staying,” Noah approaches cautiously. 

“I’ll come check up on him tomorrow, if you want.”

“I’d… appreciate that,” Stiles says, starting more enthusiastic than necessary, finishing in his soft, barely there voice, the raspiness remaining. Derek nods, and he wants to rush forward and kiss him better, kiss him goodbye but not here, not now, when Noah still has a pistol in his hollister. Just because he’ll heal, doesn’t mean Derek would enjoy getting shot. 

“You should go… I’d like to be alone with my son.”

Derek nods and gives Stiles a look to text him if anything happens, not that he thinks Noah would do anything terrible, but also, not that he doubts the man’s capability of talking Stiles to the dry bones. But he leaves, and he stays up all night texting Stiles. Isaac sleeps on the couch, Erica sleeps nearby. Her near death has left her wounded beyond belief. Boyd’s death has taken a toll on her. Cora is gone and it makes the house feel empty, Peter isn’t home anymore. Derek feels an abstract loneliness, glancing to his side as if Stiles would magically appear in bed. He doesn’t. Derek feels lonely, the bed feels cold, and Stiles is crying at home and he can’t do anything about it until tomorrow. But Derek has always been an optimist and more than anything he believes they’ll be okay. Maybe not now, but eventually, Stiles will be okay, and so will Erica and Isaac, and even Allison will recover. And he and Stiles won’t have to pretend one day, pretend like they’re not in love. One day, but that day is not today. 


	3. Secret relationship/Scott Finds out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles wears Derek's sweatshirt to school one day and Scott thinks it's strange that he smells like Derek

Scotts head tilted as he looked at Stiles in the desk in front of him, the sweatshirt he was wearing not smelling like Stiles at all but also smelling vaguely familiar. Scott couldn't quite recognize it, but it wasn't Stiles. And there was this…. sort of cologne scent to it. This clinging cologne that smells just like the one Derek wore. 

Scotts brow perks. Why was Stiles wearing Derek's sweatshirt? He looks over to where Boyd was taking notes, their senior year still fresh enough that everyone cares. Boyd feels his eyes and glances at Scott who tilts his head at Stiles, Boyd smirks like he knows something and looks away.

Derek himself rose as a true alpha for his own pack after giving up his power to save Cora. And the Hale betas? They all knew that Stiles Stilinski was getting laid by their alpha, and they all knew that Derek had a very tender place in his heart for Stiles. Instinctively, the betas read them as mates, the bond between them strong enough. Derek blushed and dismissed it when asked.

See, Derek was tough, Derek was hard hitting. Stiles was sharp words and steel cut edges. They were similar, both too guarded, both too protective. They were good together. But the damage the two could do to each other's reputations- Boyd has watched his Alpha melt just looking at the other. It was obvious, they knew, of course they knew. 

But Scott was lost, and he was concerned. Stiles eventually turns around, causing Scott to jerk back surprised. “Uhh… I was just gonna ask if you got what he said about the homework?”

“N-no sorry.” 

Stiles nods, squinting at him and Scott shrugs sheepishly. He turns around and Scott is left wondering what he's missed. What he's missing. After class he follows Boyd and Boyd sighs. “Yes?”

“Stiles is wearing Derek's sweater…”

“Okay?”

“Am I missing something.”

“What do you think?”

“What… do you mean?”

“You ever have a girlfriend who didn't steal your clothes? Well if I could fit in Erica's clothes, I'd take her things too.”

“I'm lost…”

“Stiles is wearing Derek's clothes. I'm leaving it at that.”

Scott stops and blinks, going to see Stiles. Theo is trying to speak to him but Stiles is turning up the music in his headphones. He quirks his head and looks over the sweatshirt that covers Stiles body, hitched just at his hip on the left side and drooping down just about everywhere else. If Stiles was really in a relationship with Derek, he would know right?  _ Right?  _

\--

Scott goes over to Stiles house once the sheriff leaves for his overnight shift. Stiles isn't home though, and Scott waits at the kitchen table, chewing his lip nervously. What Boyd said sticks, about Stiles wearing Derek's shirt. Why hasn't Stiles told him? Well okay… he didn't like Derek much and Derek was a strong, opposing Alpha, who was infamously respected for taking Omegas in and restoring his family name and… okay so Stiles probably had plenty reason not to tell him. In fact, Stiles probably was leaning away from the pack because apparently he has a thing with Derek, of all people. 

The door swings open just short of an hour later and he can hear two people stumbling in, Dereks voice breaking the silence…. except Derek sounds so different, voice unstrained, talking more than Scott knew he could. Using all sorts of words and taking this light yet agitated tone, and Stiles was laughing, in a way that Scott hasn’t heard in a long time. He never really got to spend real time with Stiles… not since before the Mexico trip. And  _ wow  _ he feels like he’s totally forgot that sound until now, Stiles laughing so light and full and happy. 

“It's ridiculous! Who on earth ever would react like  _ that  _ to such a minor situation. And and look at the punctuation, what does that mean?” Derek waves, book still in his left hand, cover flapping as he makes this exaggerated hand motion. (By the way, that is  **so** Stiles fault, okay? Derek doesn’t make wild, antic gestures on his own. At least… that’s what he tells himself.) 

“You said  _ my dearest, Angelica with a comma after dearest, _ ” Stiles sings teasingly, the line about punctuation being the first thing that comes to mind. And he can’t help his giggling. 

“Stiled Im being serious,” Derek insists but he smiles sheepishly when Stiles laughs, taking the book and replacing the material in Derek's hands with his hips, placing them their gently. His eyes are soft and caring. “M’makes me really upset.”

“One day we can go and see the authors grave so you can file complaints. Not that he'd understand you because he's Russian.”

“How do you know I can't speak Russian?”

“Can you speak Russian?”

“There's no reason for you to believe I can't. How do you even know I'm  _ not  _ Russian?”

“With a perfectly American accent, huh?”

“Sure. I could be good at what I do,” Derek says as he follows Stiles lead, Stiles leaning against the wall and Derek hovering close, arms draped comfortably around his hips, one hand comfortably pressed to the muscles of his back. Stiles catches on to his banter, eyes gleaming.

“Like a spy? Are you implying you're a spy?”

“Mmmmaybe?”

“Ooo my boyfriend is a Russian spy.”

“Here to exploit all your secrets.”

“What secrets have you exploited thus far?” Stiles queries innocently, tilting his head as Derek kisses the column of his throat.

“The legal system here is corrupt and dangerous.”

“Well known, justly proven. Ask any person of color.”

“You're a  _ great  _ source, considering you never shut up.”

“You seem to like that,” stiles argue and Derek lets out a small of laughter, eyes gleaming up at Stiles with amusement and Stiles places the smallest of kisses on Derek's lips, which of course is followed by another kiss. Too wrapped up in their own world of love and contentment to even notice another living soul was in the house. 

Though Scott can't really stand this whole thing, and he's not really about to sit here when Stiles is probably about to get fucked, hopefully upstairs so he can escape. He doesn't think the two are  **that** vulgar, but also, they seem into what they're doing. He winces when Stiles moans. He kinda wants to move or breathe too harshly or choke or something, ruin their moment. But he also feels so unwelcome. He feels so much like an outsider. Derek is a whole other person and Stiles seems to be tugging Derek upstairs, catching words in between kisses. Scott remembers that, the desperate kisses, the desperate desire to kiss yet tell them everything that comes to mind. He remembers being in love, he remembers all the time he left Stiles to his own devices to be with Allison. He remembers sneaking around, Stiles covering for him. Stiles helping him. 

Scott sits in anguish, and he can hear them upstairs. Clothes rustling and broken sentences. He thinks it’s safe to sneak out, slowly creeping out and standing at the door just a moment more.  _ Did you hear something?  _ **_No._ ** Derek shrugs it off it seems and Scott nods slowly to himself. Stiles was in love with Derek, he could just kind of tell, Stiles didn’t have to tell him and he thinks, that’s a big thing, to just decide your in love with another man and on top of that be somebody your best friend isn’t too fond of. He feels bad, but he also thinks that maybe Stiles will tell him when it’s time. When it feels right. But he doesn’t know when that is, or if the next threat to divide him and Derek, if Stiles will even take his side.  God, he doesn’t know but… Stiles will come to him. Scott is sure of that. And he thinks he hears Stiles laughing upstairs and for a moment, there’s a sinking feeling of loneliness in the pit of his stomach. He left his best friend to survive on his own, and Stiles found somebody who would survive with him, and it just seemed to click and make sense. And that’s good. It’s good, Scott is sure of it. 

\--

“I think maybe Scott is figuring it out,” Stiles says, sweaty and naked and lighting a cigarette. 

“So maybe you should tell him.”

“It just… Not that he’s ever done anything for me to believe he’ll react badly about the bisexual thing just… We both know you make him jealous.” 

“And if he really cares, he’ll do better for you.”

Stiles nods, kissing Dereks stubble. “Yeah… I hope so. I know maybe I should have mentioned it sooner, just… Things have been tense.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey.”

“Hey?”

“You met that Theo kid right?”

“Your old friend?”

“Hm.”

“What about him?”

“He’s weird right.”

“Yeah… weird.”

Stiles nods as if Derek just confirmed something, taking a drag of the cigarette and Derek’s nose scruffing up. 

“Fuckin’  _ weird _ .”


	4. Stiles is Stuart Au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuart is calculated and they think they have him figured out. But Derek is beautiful and he sort of changes their view on who "Stuart" is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we had that one beautiful au and I am never not going to be in love with that

The nooglers knew enough about Stuart that they could tell you they’ve figured him out. For the most part. He was by no means an open book, he kept to himself and he was pretty concerned about his image. They knew he liked to look good and smell generally pleasing. He was a creature of habit, judging by how every day he had some variation of salad or sandwich for lunch with a bowl of fruit that he drizzled honey over from a small reusable jar. Stuart scoffed and often made quick, snappy quips at people. He absolutely hated being touched, and he by no means presented himself as a slacker, even if not always presently aware of his surroundings. He more often than not was warped in his phone, doing what the group couldn’t tell you. 

So when Stuart invited them to a barbecue, they didn’t really think much of it. In fact, they didn’t really expect much either. But they were greeted by a luxurious building, and were lead to the top level, two story penthouse. The door was answered by a handsome young man with blond curls, he says his name is Isaac. The house is spacious, and full of pictures, but more importantly flowers. The house was blooming with floral aroma. Minimalistic, green and black, and white, white couches. The living room wall lead up both stories and was windows windows windows. It just felt a lot like Stuart, but nothing like him at all. The stare were wide and wooden, with chic metal railings. They were lead to the spacious kitchen with open dining room setting and in the kitchen was a door that lead to a big, sunroom like balcony with a barbecue. Thats where Stuart was. 

He was in black tight joggers with a yellow short sleeve crop top with a sun on it. The shirt read  _ Blazing with Love  _ on it and he had sunglasses on. Accompanying him was a man who was so graciously attractive it hurt. And they learned soon the man in a matching yellow shirt (well not matching, but similar shade yellow) was Derek. They were engaged. That was his fiance. And they all search their brains but Stuart, so cold and calculated has never mentioned anybody of the sort. It seems like everything here just fits. And he really trusts them.

Derek just fits with him. Stuart fits perfect in his arm, and their dialogue is easy. “Shrimp don’t have feelings,” Stuart declares as he puts the shrimp on the grill. “They’re dead!”

Derek looks moderately alarmed but he has a humorous smile. “Are you drunk?”

“No just, I felt really bad for them for a minute.”

“So you had to reassure yourself?”

“Yeah….  _ Yeah _ . I just… I had to feel okay about eating them.”

“Well somebody had to- nevermind,” Lyle starts but stops when Stuart looks at him. 

“Don’t do that to him,” Derek teases lightly. “He’ll cry.”

“Stuart cries?” Neha says unbelieving. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty when he cries.”

“Gross,” Stiles retorts and Derek kisses his temple, ushering him to sit and pouring him a glass of Iced Tea. Stiles smiles, soft and bright. See, they’ve never seen him smile. Not like that anyways and well… it really worked for him to smile. Everyone falls a little in love with that look. And everything is easy conversation, nothing feels tense or hateful. Derek and Isaac are welcome company, even if Isaac is more quiet. Derek balances Stuart out, it seems, and they look onto each other with fond pride.  

Stuart hated being touched, but Derek leaves welcome little touches on his stomach, just casually letting his forefingers knuckle trace the hair near his belly button, or draw little circles into his abs until he giggled and pushed laced their hands. It was sickening and maddingly sweet. Neha has dreamed up all sorts of relationships between men, but they were all sexual fantasies for characters she loved, she could hardly grasp such sweet and tender moments. In her head they were nonexistent, that wasn’t real love or real life. But the two, newly engaged, couldn’t stop touching or talking or telling similar stories when the other wasn’t in the room, as if they were taking turns. They loved showing the others accomplishments off, Derek with ample pride talked about how Stuart was in  _ advanced law  _ at  _ Berkeley _ and that he was good at what he did and he was so so smart. 

And God, Stuart rambled for at least twenty minutes about how great Derek was doing in his company, the big role he plays and how well he constructs everything. He brags how Derek is this big manager for the competing company to google, he talks all about how hard he works, how good things are. He seems so happy, so content to just talk about the love of his life.

“How long have you known each other?”

“Uhm… like almost 7 years as of like… October? But we just hit 6 years of… dating I guess? He proposed before then. I dunno.”

“You were  _ how old _ ?” Billy tries to ask sympathetically but it comes out skeptic. 

“Irrelevant because I’m legally now and four years isn’t too big a deal.”

They makes Yo-Yo laugh and Stiles gets up to put the pizza they decided to make and grill on the table. Men really do love their grills. 

And okay, maybe things won’t be different at work tomorrow, but right now the team feels whole and they feel safe under the guize of Stuart’s home, with his fiance and their over the top grill item menu. They feel safe drinking and getting a little tipsy and watching ridiculous movies and just talking. They learn that Stuart isn’t his real name, but Stiles is his nickname but not for what. And they feel safe, safe, safe. Warm and okay. Tomorrow things might be different, but tonight is good and good is great. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek are on a cliff by the ocean, some angsty things come out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was aiming for a Lily's Crossing kind of Au but then that backfired so this inspired by a scene where Lily and the boy (i forgot his name it's been years since I read this oops) were sitting on a rock looking out at the boats on the ocean and she tells him about how her father might never come back, and the boats have like lights shining out. He tells her about how his family had to flee, and how he has nobody left except the Aunt and Uncle he came to live with.   
> These two were like, my OG ship, but anyways, this shot is loosely based on this, and I think I did it justice for the most part?

The waves crested on the shore below them, pressing kisses to the small beach below them and it serves punches to the bases of the cliff. A slow erosion of the rock and for a moment Stiles imagines collapsing, falling. He thinks of plummeting into water and drowning, drowning, drowning. He twists his back and meets Derek's bright green eyes, illuminated by star stricken night in milky dark blue skies. 

“What?” Stiles asks, caught off guard.

“You're beautiful.”

Stiles smiles shy and takes the flashlight laying by the bag and turns it on flashing it on the ocean. “My grandparents used to take me to the ocean at night after mom died and I'd shine the flashlight for the boats, as if it could make a difference.”

“And now?”

“Maybe someone will shine back.”

Derek nods, and Stiles seems infatuated with the edge of the cliff. He wonders what's going on in his head. He shifts protectively closer and Stiles rolls over to lay his head in Dereks lap. He can't drown in the ocean but drowning in Derek was a similar, and much less painful feeling. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asks softly.

“Yeah, of course.”

“My mom killed herself.”

“What?”

“She said she was gonna take a bath before dinner came, and she went with her pill bottle. She took the whole thing and drowned herself. When she didnt come out when the food came, I went and I found her dead there. I convinced Melissa not to tell dead…. because he'd think it's my fault. Or that I killed her.”

“Weren't you eight?”

“She hated me… when she was sick anyways. Before she got sick, I was sure that she was my best friend. The only person who understood me.”

“Does he know now?”

“No…. nobody knows. Only Melissa and I know. My dad thinks she died naturally, I think it's better he stays that way.” they get quiet and stiles just stares up at the sky. “I became obsessed with drowning, how it worked and what it was like. You can imagine my teachers were thrilled when I could recite the contents of the wiki page on  _ asphyxiation. _ ”

Derek nods. “I… Well… I dated this girl four years ago when I was 16. She was everything to me, but she got bit, and she couldn't take the pain. I had to kill her. My beta eyes are blue…”

“Blue is…?”

“Taking an innocent life.”

“You did what she wanted… it's not… you're not totally at fault. You know?”

“Your mom dying wasn't yours.” 

Stiles sits the flash light between the junction of their arms, as Derek leans back on his forearm, stiles arm stretching back to lace their hands, shifting up so he's on Derek's chest. The light shines and Derek's red eyes shine back, even when Stiles isn’t looking. The word love flashes in Dereks head, he leaves it there, for now. For now he leaves it there. Even when Stiles kisses him, the word loves stays inside.

"Your family wasn't your fault either," Stiles whispers and Derek nods, kissing him again softly, the two comfortable in each others arms, Stiles has these eyes that you could get lost in, they said so much, but they guarded him. All that emotion was suddenly opened up around Derek and Derek thinks he could stare and decipher Stiles for hours. 

"They were kind of my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"Kate... she used me."

"What do you mean?"

"Sexually... She used me sexually, and I was too emotionally disheartened to think it was anything but what I deserved, and that I should probably be thankful some older, beautiful woman wanted me. So... I did what she wanted. I told her what she wanted. I was afraid of her, not because I knew she was a hunter because I didn't, but because she had a lot of control over me, and I didn't know how to stop it..."

Stiles looked at him pained, kissing his neck softly and nodding. "It's not your fault, her raping you or your family dying because of it."

"I should have said something."

"Maybe... But maybe I should have told my dad..."

"That's different though."

"I could have stopped her from killing herself."

"You couldn't have..."

"And you couldn't have stopped Kate," Stiles reasons. Derek nods, not really accepting it, he hardly notices Stiles shifting and placing kisses to where his heart should be. "you're too good of a person to get your whole family murdered. You loved them... loved them so much. They all forgive you."

"You think?"

"I know... Because I know you, and I know that you would rather she killed you than all of them."

"Then what would you?"

"Probably would have pined for Lydia the rest of my life," he admits sheepishly and Derek laughs, kissing Stiles who breaks the kiss when he grins. "You're wonderful Derek. And you're mine."

"Better than Lydia?"

"By a long shot, pretty boy." They both grin and Stiles kisses him with a passion. The ocean hits the rock with it's constant lull and the pull of the ocean is a lot like the pull the two have together. not always together, but not always apart, sharing sweet, temporary kisses with lingering notions and touch. Derek takes the flash light from between them and shines them at the stars.

"think anybody will shine back from up there?"

"That's more alarming, but not surprised if your disastrous ass summoned an alien invasion," Stiles teases. Derek laughs. 

"Aliens are probably cooler than humans."

" _This human has claws, what do you think of that?_ " Stiles questions in a deeper voice, obviously playing the role of the Alien.  


"Aliens don't speak English."

" _ten ma pazury, co o tym myślisz?_ " He asks again, but in Polish. Derek raises a brow surprised and Stiles laughs. "Polish was my first language, I obviously still speak well."

"Obviously," Derek agrees, still mystified and Stiles is happy seeming, Derek thinks it's nice that Stiles is so happy. His eyes are still bright, and he thinks they're more beautiful than anything he's ever seen before. 

"You're staring again."

"You are still very beautiful."

"Jeez... you're such a sap."

"Deal with it."

"Dealt with, I've decided you get to stay and that I like the attention."

"Typical Stilinski fashion."

They both smile, meeting in a kiss, and Derek feels the word love flash in his mind again and he leaves it there. Just like that, he leaves it there, for now. But soon, he thinks he'll tell Stiles, when he's sure Stiles will say it back. (Even if Stiles would say it back now but damaged men, find damage in so much affection. Love takes time, and they both need time, since they have it to spare it seems.) Derek feels love, and it's nothing he's felt before, and Stiles switches the flashlight off when a boats light on the ocean shine back over his head, and Derek thinks that maybe, just maybe, Stiles is it. 


	6. Anorexia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is anorexic in this shot, Derek tries to deal with it and help Stiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm really quite aware that I don't give a good enough snap shot of the struggle of anorexia, what it feels like, the pain. But these are meant to be snapshots, not full length stories, and I think if I could make any of the shots longer, or expand on, it would be this one. Also a lot of the timeline in this story is condensed, because again, it's just a snap shot.   
> Why anorexia? Well I was between Anorexia and OCD for Stiles, because Stiles has an obsessive personality with a need for control, alongside anxiety. Since I personally have bordered anorexia, and have dealt with the obsessive eating habits (not eating at all, and controlling what eat vs binging when I feel happy with my body then having to start over) I thought it would be easier for me to write this story, even if it hurts to write.   
> So, I dunno, you tell me what you think, if you want this story to be longer I'd be open to writing it. this is just an au and an interpretation of how Stiles character could have gone.

With a shaky set of hands, Stiles lights a cigarette. He can’t control much, but he can control what he consumes, what the numbers on the scales say. He sets limits, and restricts. Cigarettes feel just as filling as sandwiches, and water does wonders for your body. Coffee is a good substitute for natural energy. He is fueled by self destruction, taking himself down for all the things he can’t control. Boyd and Erica  are dead, and he couldn’t help them. Scott was off with the Alpha pack, Derek was left weak without his alpha powers because of Cora. 

He can’t control that, he can’t control that his dad is gone. So places half a usual portion in his plate instead, and soon half becomes a quarter. He divides each portion as if it’s a meiotic cell, meant to be torn apart from half to half again. Diploid to haploid. Uncanny that he suddenly is so great at science when Harris is dead, but Harris’ spirit would be proud of him. Or perhaps just slightly less disappointed. 

After nogitsune, when Allison is dead, and Scott is distant and Lydia isn’t talking to him, and Derek is all he’s got left, things get worse. His body feels tight, nothing feels right and eating is disastrous. He hates it, he hates the feelings it produces and so when it’s too much he pukes. Derek notices.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” he notes one night when Stiles is sitting on his balcony in the front, Derek joining him on the steps.

“Helps.”

“Helps with what.”

“Nerves I guess.”

Derek catches the lie. He nods though, watching Stiles. He feels helpless, not really sure what to do, or what he’s supposed to do. He presses a kiss to Stiles shoulder. “Stiles?”

“Hm?”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I guess.”

“It is.”

“I believe you.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“It doesn’t feel okay right now, Derek.”

“Not really but it will be.”

“How do you know?”

“Because… everything balances out eventually. But it won’t get better if you-”

“I’m not doing anything to stop it,” Stiles insists. “I can’t control what happens to me, I can’t  _ control it _ .”

“Nobody can, but we just have to go through it.”

“Not all of us are strong.”

“You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Stiles puts the cigarette out, and leans against the bannister, head resting there and Derek can see he’s gotten thinner, moving to take his hand. “Stiles is there something wrong?”

“No.”

“Stiles.”

“It’s nothing. Okay?”

“It’s something. You’re hiding something.”

“Derek, please leave it alone.”

Derek leaves it, though maybe he shouldn’t, he drops the conversation though. Though he soon just starts to snoop when Stiles isn’t in the room, he uses every sense, looks for little clues, and he figures it out. He figures out the glitch in the code. After googling symptoms he’s alotted the term anorexia, and his brow furrows. 

_ How to help an anorexic.  _ The results are mixed. Rehab or self help, but much like drug addiction, a patient with an eating disorder always seems to relapse. That’s what it says anyways. Derek feels his head running in circles. No way is Stiles going to Eichen. 

“Would you want to leave?” he asks one day.

“Excuse me?” Stiles asks, a bit of a bite to his voice, but really that’s just how it’s been recently. Derek notes that the hunger makes him cranky.

“You’re not happy in Beacon hills, so I’m asking if you want to leave.”

“Just like that, you want me to up and go?”

“I’m not expecting anything of you, Stiles,” Derek says patiently, sitting beside Stiles who’s attempting his AP calc homework.

“Where would we go?” Stiles whispers, suddenly very vulnerable with Derek so near, opening up when he realizes Derek isn’t demanding anything of him. Derek can smell the dried blood, and he wonders what Stiles did for it to get there, or how fragile his skin must be with nothing to strengthen it. 

“I have a house in New york, like the state, in the woods on a mountain. It’s small, and it’s got all this open space as a backyard, a little lake is back there too. We can plant flowers, you like flowers.”

“New York is far,” Stiles says.

“Maybe you need to be far.”

“You have people here, you can’t just leave because of me.”

“Stiles you’re going to die if you stay here, you’re what’s important to me. If a job calls for you to move, you move to meet the job and Stiles, you  _ are  _ the job, it’s my job to make sure you’re okay. I can finish college out there, you can take your GED online, if you wanted. You could get better.”

“I’m not dying, there’s nothing to-”

“Stiles you have a problem, can’t you admit that?”

“I…”

“Stiles… Don’t do this to yourself.”

“What about my dad?”

“I think you should talk to him.”

“And say what? Hey I’m running away with my older boyfriend to New York?”

“Maybe.”

“Derek, it’s too much. I can’t.”

“I’m not going to stay here and watch you wither. Either things change here, or we need to leave.” 

“We can’t just leave.” 

“We could, if that’s what you need, or if that’s what you want.” 

“I’m… I…” Stiles hesitates, chewing his lip. Derek thinks maybe if they’re alone, if Stiles is removed from the environment, he can’t heal, he’ll start eating, he won’t smell dried blood on his skin. He thinks maybe far away, Stiles will learn to feel safe again, he’ll put his trust back in the world. 

“I know it’s scary, but if you’re willing, if you decide you’re ready, we can go. Go wherever, whenever.”

Stiles nods, but he doesn’t say anything. Not yet. 

\---

It really starts with purging, and then he’s crying and shaking. He feels like he’s going to faint. But he makes it downstairs before he does. He thinks he’s on the kitchen floor for a while, and the whole time his dad is at work, nobody knows what he’s going through. He forces himself to eat something, anything. He stares at his plate for a long time, picks at everything, but he does it eventually. He eats, just enough to get him into the car and to Derek's. He couldn’t really handle this alone anymore, he felt like he couldn’t stop shaking and there was a bruise on his hip where he’d hit the floor and his arm from his head hitting it. Everything  _ hurts _ . And he parks a few blocks away and he sobs for a while, thinking if it’ll be any use to ask Derek to leave now. But then he realizes he has nothing. He grabs a milkshake before he goes back home and packs. Hours of spiralling, spending time on the floor curled into himself and sobbing, shaking with anxiety. He tries to eat but he can’t do it. He wants to purge, he doesn’t, there’s nothing to purge. He thought it was controlled, he felt like he had controlled, but his control snapped, the disease took over. 

Two weeks time since they had talked about leave, and Stiles goes to Derek’s loft, two duffle bags full of things, one primarily his favorite DVD’s from his collection. He sets them by the couch and Derek raises a brow. It was late, really late, but Derek was up for whatever reason. “You said if I wanted to leave, we should go.”

“What’s going on?”

“I… I don’t want to talk about it.” Stiles looks a mess, all the way through. He spots the bruises, his eyes are puffy, and his hands are shaking.

“Stiles…”

“He’s never home, and Scott is never around. And I feel like I have nobody. It’s the only thing I can  _ control  _ but I can’t really control it anymore either,” Stiles rambles, sitting on the edge of the couch. “I don’t even think he’d noticed if I left, and you’re really all I have.”

“Calm down,” Derek eases, lacing their hands.

“I just… I want to get better, but I don’t want to be here. I want to go… somewhere. I want to get help.”

“We’ll get you help.”

“Please, I want to leave.”

“You’re sure?”

“ _ Yes _ absolutely positive.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want. Let me grab some stuff.”

Stiles nods and before Derek moves to get up, he pulls him into a chaste kiss. “Stiles?”

“Yes?” he whispers.

“We’re going to fix this… I’m going to help.”

“I don’t know if you can.” 

“Someone can, and if all I can do is get you to the help you need, then it’s worth it.”

“Thank you.”

He nods, and Stiles leaves the jeep in the lot, they take Derek’s car. “No planes.”

“No planes,” Derek agrees, because God planes suck, at least for werewolves they do. They’re loud and obnoxious and they smell weird, and okay, Derek hates planes. A lot. He avoids them, all the time. 

Stiles curls up in the chair and he watches his childhood home disappear. Derek stops and gets something for them to eat. Stiles picks at his fries, but by the late morning they’re gone, he thinks it’s a step in the right direction. They drive, and they drive. Stiles thinks Eutopia is represented by the small cabin in the woods in New York, because at least there, everything will get better. Just maybe. 


	7. Laura Hale is Alive au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is found alive and she watches her brother interact with his mate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another fic I don't think I would mind expanding at some point

Laura was rescued from where she’s been held hostage for ten years. Derek was more than bewildered to find her alive, not dead, and he was skeptic of her. They danced around each other for a few days, she tells him how one of the pack members from there looked like her, and while she was held hostage, tied and used and abused by this pack, they sent the girl to look for the alpha. The alpha killed that girl, and so when she never returned, the pack never pursued it, but they did continue to abuse her. 

Derek lets her in and he’s both exactly how she remembered him but nothing at all like the little brother she used to have. He was married, to a man which was strange. She always thought he might like men but she didn’t think he’d ever have the guts to approach one. Anyways, she found out his mate was this younger man who was so full of energy and love that she has no idea how Derek managed to get him really. And their daughter, Klara, was a calm, fumbling little baby girl who toddled and giggled and was very infatuated with her kitten that she named “Kitty” of course. 

She was currently, sitting at the table, watching the two work through bills and Stiles had found an infatuation with this obituary on a senator suddenly. “How uncanny,” he muses.

“Uncanny my ass,” Derek says, shaking his head. 

“That’s two dollars towards the swear jar.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Wasn’t that…?”

“Yeah it was.”

“My point remains.”

“Am I missing something?” Laura asks, watching her brother. There was a weird scent of knowledge between the two men that hung in the air. 

“Everything is not what it seems Laur,” Derek says. “Especially when it comes to Stiles.”

“What does that mean?” She raises a brow, and Stiles shrugs. 

“Oh! The adoption agency, for werewolf babies, called and the baby we found seems to have no seeking parents. So… they said we could meet him again tomorrow afternoon, if you’re not busy?”

“I can free my schedule.” That was something Derek did now, free his schedule. She recalls he works for a big company, as an architect… or something. She wasn’t entirely sure what Derek did but he was wealthy and important. Stiles on the other hand, she had no idea what he did. She knew he did  _ something  _ and that when Derek found her two months ago, he was ‘away on business’. But what business Stiles does and where he goes, and what he does, and why he never seems to be home most given hours of the day is unknown to her. Stiles is either home for days at a time, or he’s away. Or he’s home all day, or away on normal business hours. Derek seems to know exactly what he does. He never tells her though, he says Stiles has things for business to do. And he tells Klara the same. Daddy’s at work, he’s doing business. It almost sounds dangerous. Malicious. 

“What should we name him?” Stiles asks, picking up Klara as she comes in with her tablet. He seats her on his lap, and kisses her head. 

“Hmm… Joseph.”

“Too basic… Alexander?”

“Just as basic… Stefan?”

“Stefan? Like the vampire from vampire diaries?”

“It was my brothers name.”

“Your mom was not the most creative with names.”

“A lot of them were my dads idea.”

“Huh, and yet my point still stands.”

“Okay fine… Stefan is off the list.”

“I refuse to let him be stereotyped as a vampire!”

“Vampire Diaries didn’t exist when he was born!”

“Okay but it exists now and like, that’s torture. That’s like if we named Klara Kylie or Kim.”

“Kim possible.”

“Who’s more famous babe?”

“Okay, but like, who’s better?”

“See, you would not have this opinion 10 years ago when I met you, in fact this argument would be beyond your vocabulary.”

“Yes but now I’m married to you and forced to watch 24 hour Kim Possible marathons and listen to you rant about how much you think Kim Kardashian is just trying her hardest to get through life, so my opinion now stands that Kim Possible is the better Kim.”

“Fine, but Kylie?”

“Kylie’s shit.”

“Exactly. Stefan is shit.”

“We’ve never watched the show.”

“Yeah but the actor is creepy so, I refuse to name my child after a vampire. Especially when he’s a werewolf.”

“What if he wants to be a vampire?”

“What happens when a Vampire bite werewolves?”

“Can Vampires bite werewolves?”

“Well… Sure. But like what would happen?”

“Is there like, vampire hierarchy?” Derek questions.

“You’re the werewolf babe, not me. Shouldn’t you know?” 

“I’m a werewolf. So… like backtrack and think about that question.”

“Why would Stiles know?” Laura questions.

“He read twilight, twice.”

“Twilight is a good source of vampire knowledge?” Stiles asks, pretty judgingly Derek might add.

“You own two copies of Bram Stoker’s Dracula and we own every version of Dracula, any movie in which Dracula appears in, you have read more things about Vampires than werewolves. You own six lore books that are solely on vampires in different cultures. You let me know why would not know that.”

“Sometimes there’s a count or head vampire that does all the biting.”

“Thank you.” 

Stiles makes a face. “You’re such a--” he huffs frustrated and Derek laughs, showing Stiles the credit card bill.

“What’s that last one there?”

“Mm, that’s the parts we got to fix the hot tub. Remember?”

“Right, okay.”

“It shouldn’t take more than two payments.”

He nods and so does Stiles. Stiles watches Klara, thumb rubbing her small hand. “What about Dante?” Stiles asks, suddenly.

“Dante?”

“Like that book, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe? That’s a good book. And it’s a nice, kind of cool name. And it’s part of you, because you’re hispanic, where Klara is a polish name, so she’s part of me.”

Derek nods. “Dante is nice,” he agrees. “I mean… I’m only part Spanish, but it’s nice.”

Stiles nods, and Derek looks to Klara, Stiles glances to her too. “Klara want a baby brother?”

“No,” she chirps, looking up. “Papa only loves me.”

“So maybe we won’t take her tomorrow,” Derek whispers to Stiles who smiles. 

“She’ll learn to love him,” he promises softly and pecks Derek.

Laura feels like an outsider, she doesn’t remember Derek ever being so happy, his eyes ever sparkling so soft. When he was a kid, just a teen, he always had this sly look of mischief. He was cocky and too confident. He was sad, he was angry, he was pained after the fire. She remembers seeing him close out the whole world, and she remembers watching him throw himself into the flames to help keep them safe, doing things he probably shouldn’t have to do to protect them. She remembers sending him to college with what little money she could make. She remembers him doing the most to help, but he never told her a damn thing. Those beautiful green eyes were cold and dead to the world. All they saw were demons. All he saw was the bad in people, his pure heart turned into solid ice. 

Yet, now, he was so different. He was so tender, so caring. He created a home, he took in Beta’s, he was a hell of an alpha. And Uncle peter was somehow his right hand man. He was loving, he had this tender, soft gaze that held no sly mischief, just love. He just loved, and loved. He was new, and she thinks he likes seeing her brother happy. She thinks she might like Stiles, even if he’s shrouded in mystery. 

“I can watch her,” she chips in and they look at her with sincere awe and thanks. 

“Are you sure? She can be bratty,” Stiles says.

“I practically raised Cora, and she was a female werewolf. Talk about bratty.”

He nods. “Good point.”

Derek laughs, and Klara looks up briefly before putting her ipad down and trying to move into his lap. Derek accepts her with ease. “ _ Thank you  _ Laura,” Derek says and she melts, because there’s a little more meaning in her brothers tone than ‘thanks for watching my kid.’

“Anytime Derek. I’m here to stay, so you’ll  _ always _ have me to help.”


End file.
